I started reading “Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection” by Jia Jiang recently. I figured I would be a happier person and a more resilient lawyer if I could handle rejection more constructively.

As I delved into the book and began reflecting on my own experiences, it struck me that I have been on the other side of rejection as well. I had declined an invitation to contribute to a journal publication, said no to invitations to give talks and turned down a job applicant seeking a corporate lawyer position recently.

Jia Jiang’s book mentions that people could react to the same request very differently, and it said nothing about him. I find that therapeutic.

In my case, I declined the opportunities because I have other commitments that I prioritise. I believe in “less but better”, inspired by Greg McKeown’s “Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less”. This means focusing on fewer commitments but doing them better.

Regarding the corporate lawyer position, we currently do not have any vacancies.

In short, my rejections say nothing about the other parties.

Jia Jiang recounts in his book how people would send him requests that were paragraphs long. Replying with a short and quick “sorry, I can’t do it” felt disrespectful by comparison, but it was impossible for him to match the time and effort put into crafting those requests.

I have encountered the same dilemma. My usual response is to let the requests sit for a few days, allowing me time to consider how to say no gracefully or reconsider.

I tried the “thank you for your invitation but unfortunately” response. I always feel that seems to ring a bit hollow. I tried the approach recommended in “Rejection Proof” by communicating my rejections directly along with my reasons.

It’s a work in progress. I hope to become more adept at handling rejections, whether at the giving or receiving end.

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This post was first posted on LinkedIn on 12 October 2023.